Learning to be good parents, from
prison
By Paul Esmond
Gazette staff writer
Punctuated by an occasional Metro-North
train speeding underneath Sing Sing maximum security
prison on the Hudson River's east bank, more than two-dozen
prisoners received diplomas in one of life's most important
subjects; parenting.
Last week, at an outdoors ceremony attended by family
and friends, prisoners serving sentences for a range
of offenses including murder, robbery, manslaughter and
drug possession, earned their diplomas four months after
beginning an intensive course on the importance and keys
to good parenting from behind the restrictive walls of
prison.
John Sutton, a longtime prisoner at the facility in
Westchester County, said he was reluctant at first to
apply for the course. In prison for 16 years, he said
his relationship with his daughter, now 18, was so strained
he didn't see the purpose of taking a class that would
teach him skills at something he felt so inept at.
"At first I really didn't feel the parenting class," Sutton
said. "I had issues with the class and I didn't think
the class could help me."
After friends encouraged him to apply, and he was accepted,
Sutton said he realized he had made a good decision because
after years behind bars for making bad choices, he needed
to find a way to keep connected with his duty as a father.
He said that what he learned was so valuable to him,
that even while in prison, he feels now more adept at
communication with his daughter, who is expecting a child
within a month.
Sutton and 29 other prisoners were accepted into the
program, FamilyWorks, run by the Department of Correctional
Services and the Osborne Association, an organization
developed to keep prisoners connected with families and
adjust to life outside of prison.
For two decades administrators at Sing Sing have allowed
the Osborne Association to hold the weekly class. Funds
from DOCS pay for an instructor, who teaches communication
skills, conflict resolution, and personal responsibility.
According to statistics released by DOCS, as of 2001,
there were as many as 80,000 children of prisoners statewide.
For 10 years, Lehman College social science professor
Carl Mazza has made the trip up to the facility in Ossining
to teach the course. He said a major focus of the class
was to teach prisoners to accept responsibility for the
impact that their personal decisions - those which led
to their incarceration - have had on their families.
Strained relationships with children are common among
prisoners, Mazza said. Children, he said, are justifiably
angry towards an incarcerated parent they feel has abandoned
them. Young girls, he said, often struggle with respecting
the authority of an incarcerated father.
Parenting class students hear from children of prisoners
to hear a perspective on the pain caused by their incarceration
as well as better ways to keep in touch with them.
Carol Burton, senior director of the Osborne Association's
re-entry and family services program, said it is crucial
students hear from guardians of prisoners' children.
Mothers and extended family are the people who most often
care for a child when a father is in prison. Burton said
direct and sensitive communication with their children's
guardian is the key to building and maintaining authority
as father.
"Unless they can navigate and communicate with a child's
caregiver, that relationship is hampered," she said.
During the course, students participated in role-playing
scenarios that simulated the reality of family conflict.
Students were instructed to develop empathy and understanding
for spouses and children who are left to fend for themselves
without the direct support of a husband and father. He
said role-playing scenarios are staged for a visiting
room setting, often the only place where a child has
physical contact with an incarcerated parent.
Mazza said inmates needed preparation for conflicts
that arise during weekend visits, such as a child cutting
school or getting in trouble with authority.
Students were often reluctant to play a role of a child,
said Mazza, who is also a social worker.
"It's pulling teach to get someone to be a child," he
said, adding that a prisoner playing the role of a child
often connects his behavior with that of his parents.
Eustace Johnson, one of Mazza's students, said he gained
insight into his daughter from the course.
"It helped us remember we were once kids," Johnson said. "We
give back to our kids."
Sutton said it was easy to understand a child's resentment
at an incarcerated parent, particularly if they are young,
as his daughter was when he was sent to prison.
"They can't understand how we love them and care for
them when we leave them," he said.
Mazza said the key to keeping in touch with children
was through letters. Phone calls and family visits he
said were good, but not as physically tangible as a letter.
With a letter in their hand, Mazza said, children can
know they are holding something their parent held.
During the ceremony, Sing Sing Superintendent Brian
Fischer congratulated the students for their achievement
and thanked the Osborne Association for their work in
developing the class.
Students shared their new insight into parenting with
guests.
Sylvester Davis, an inmate, said he noticed his communication
skills with family and friends had improved since taking
the course.
"I learned to really listen when I dominate a conversation," he
said/
Prisoner Armando Perez said he forged friendships with
inmates he hadn't known before the class/
"Even though my family is not here, this is my family," he
said.
After more than a decade of teaching the parenting course
Mazza said he had seen dramatic results in the lives
of some of his former students including one man released
two months ago after 24 years in prison who was getting
involved in his adult daughter's life.
The former student had recently called him to touch
base.
"He realized that everything he does now takes time," Mazza
said.
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